Am I a Prize?

Through my work, I have the opportunity to meet with many different people.  Usually I sit across from the farmer at his table and talk farming.  While my main reason for the visit is to go through paperwork and finalize crop insurance claims to get the farmer paid, our conversations often drift in other directions.  I seem to have the personality that makes others feel comfortable opening up to me.  I do take longer to get things done than some of my co-workers (and they do tease me about this), but I have learned so much during the past few years by just listening to others.  I have gained wisdom and a new perspective.

This fall I met with a man who had lost his wife several years ago.  The pain of her death remains with him even though it's almost been a decade since she passed away.  He and his wife worked together on the farm for almost 50 years.  They went through struggles like any couple.  They started out dirt poor with a bunch of kids to raise, but grew their farm into a very successful business over the years.  We talked about divorce and how it's so commonplace these days.  He told me divorce used to be "shameful," but now it is just accepted.  He and his wife went through many hard times but he told me that once you get through those rough patches, things are so much better...as long as you just stick it out.  He told me that his wife could have left him many times but they stayed committed.  He said to me, "she was such a prize."

I know that's just one old farmer's opinion, but it really stuck with me and actually brought me to tears at his kitchen table.  My generation sees divorce as normal.  I do believe that there are some situations when divorce is inevitable, and I'm definitely not trying to bash anyone who has been divorced.  But when the farmer asked me if I was getting a divorce (I hadn't even said one thing to him about my marriage), I firmly said "no."  It's not that I haven't thought about divorce.  I think every wife thinks about it during the hard times.  If a wife says she hasn't thought about it, I think she's lying.  Marriage is hard.  I know it's been for me.  Don't get me wrong, Dan and I have had some really good times and have two beautiful girls, but I now realize I came into marriage with lots of unrealistic expectations.  When Dan wasn't meeting my needs I pretty much just shut down.  Everything he did was wrong.  I complained about everything he did.  I was not the best Mom or Wife that I could have been.  I'm pretty sure Dan wouldn't have used the phrase "she is such a prize," when talking about me during certain times in our marriage.

But it's ok.  As Romans 3:23 states, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  We are all sinners.  Dan and I are just two imperfect people trying to make our marriage work.  It's not perfect but no marriage is perfect.  We are committed to each other and our family.  We are both working on communication, being better partners, and meeting each others needs.

I'm thankful I took the time to visit with that old farmer.  I hope someday Dan can sit back in his rocking chair when he's 80 and say, "look at my wife, she's been such a prize!"  Actually I hope he can say that today and everyday to come. ~ Lydia