A letter to my clients and future clients...

Dietrich Daniel arrived June 26th, 2017.  He will be two months old tomorrow somehow!  We've had a great summer so far.  We were able to take some short weekend trips to Illinois to see my family and also to Branson for a family reunion on Dan's side.  I also spent some time at home rocking my baby boy in my easy chair. 

I wanted to drop my clients a note to say thanks for your patience as I ease back into work.  My maternity leave was rather busy balancing a new baby and continuing to work some, as I checked email and came into the office at least a few times a week to keep things running smoothly.  Our kids are now back in full time daycare and our older girls are going to pre-school part time too.  I plan on being back in the office more starting next week.  I'm also considering hiring some office staff to help with my business in the next year.  If you need to see me, you know you can always call my cell phone at 785-406-0416..

Balancing work, family, and my responsibilities at home with our farming operation, can be challenging but I've realized that I've had to become much more intentional with my time.  Each of us is only given 24 hours in a day.  I'm here to help take the stress out of your financial planning process so you don't have to worry about the "what ifs" in life.  I pride myself on treating my clients the way I would want to be treated and my goal is to make sure every client understands his/her insurance and investments.  If you are looking for a financial planner that understands your busy life and wants to help you protect, preserve, and plan your financial future, I'd love to meet and chat sometime. 

July 2017

What to do when you are nervous...

Monday night we attended the Linn Lutheran Talent Show at St John Parish Hall.  It was such a fun night.  We had a potluck meal, various students shared talents like singing and playing the piano, and even the pastor shared a fun German sing-along song (most of the audience knew it because of their German Lutheran heritage), but this mostly English girl did not know the words and couldn't sing along!

The pre-school kids also got promoted to the next grade.  Lorena graduated from the 3-4 year old class to the 4-5 year old class.  She hasn't been on stage much, but from past experience I've known her to not like being in the spot light.  She usually "freezes."  She went to the front of the room with her classmates and they were supposed to sing and dance to a few songs as their teacher led them.  She barely moved a muscle and looked like she was going to cry most of the time.  When we got home that night we asked her why she didn't sing with the other kids and she said "I was a little nervous."  I'm not sure where she heard that word as I try to not say or imply that she is nervous, or shy in front of crowds, but apparently she knows what it means somehow.

Even though she didn't participate, she did stay on stage with her classmates.  She was nervous but she persisted.  We explained to her that night that everyone feels nervous and it's perfectly ok to be nervous sometimes.  Not that I'm a nervous nelly by any means, but I have my moments where I have to do things I don't like doing.  It can be at work when I have to make phone calls all day long, or when I have to have a hard conversation with a co-worker...or when I have to do a devotional in front of a large group at work,  or lead a panel discussion for our local chamber of commerce....or whether it's at home and I don't want to clean the house or pay the bills stacked on my desk...my point is that we all have to do things sometimes that we don't want to do or that get us out of our comfort zone.

Lorena did something she really didn't want to do on Monday night and I'm proud of her for it.  I'm sure some of the other kids that performed vocal and piano solos were also nervous like Lorena when they got on that stage, but I'm so glad they chose to do it anyway.  They were able to share their God given talents with the audience and we were all blessed as a result.  As the saying goes, we don't grow unless we push ourselves outside of our comfort zone.  I'm glad I got that reminder from my brave 4 1/2 year old this week.

Back where it belongs

Most of you probably know that Dan and I live in the house where he grew up.  My father in law built a china cabinet in the wall at the house decades ago.  Cindy and Ernie's wedding china sat in the cabinet until we got married in 2009.  At that same time, they let us buy the house and they moved off the farm and into town.  Their china sat at their house in town until last week when we moved it back where it belongs to the cabinet Ernie built at our house.

We didn't get any fancy china at our wedding, so Dan's sisters decided the china was for us to keep.  We don't have the biggest house and I can be pretty picky about what I keep, but I was really happy to get this china set.  I like family keepsakes that have memories and meaning.  This china was given to Cindy and Ernie at their wedding by Cindy's Aunt.  Cindy treasured it and brought it out for special occasions.  We usually ate on it for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Sometimes, she used it just because she wanted to!  I remember one night when I was visiting from Illinois (Dan and I had just started dating at this point), Cindy decided to bring it out for the evening meal.  I think Cindy was trying to impress me.  Ernie and Dan seemed somewhat perplexed as to why she would use it on an ordinary night, but I think she was doing all she could to get me to stay with Dan!

I definitely treasure this china set and look forward to using it for special occasions in years to come.

Thinking of my in-laws this Easter

Easter is tomorrow already.  It kind of snuck up on me.  Dan has been busy getting ready to plant in a few days and is out spraying now, so I thought I'd take a few minutes to gather my thoughts while the girls are watching Disney Channel.

I've been thinking about Ernie and Cindy a lot recently.  It's in the quiet moments when I'm getting the girls settled for bedtime and they talk about Grandpa and Grandma but also in the not so quiet moments when all the cousins are coloring Easter eggs and there's just someone missing from the table.  Like April has done, these moments just kind of sneak up on me and can be overwhelming if pushed under the rug.

I get to meet a lot of people through my line of work.  Some clients knew Cindy and Ernie and share fond memories of them with me.  I truly love those conversations.  I've heard stories of Ernie racing a classmate's car around the high school track when he was in high school, and even crazier stories of him being out late and stuck on a mud road and "having to borrow" the county's paving equipment to get his car unstuck.  I've had several people tell me that Ernie was probably the hardest working guy they ever met.  I've also learned that Cindy used to sell Bosch mixers and grinders to mill your own flour (that was news to me!).  Others have told me that Cindy was a friend to them when no one else was, and that she was a true woman of faith that helped them change their lives for the better.

It saddens me that the girls talk less about them as the days march on.  If we can instill one trait from each of their grandparents, I pray that we can instill in them Ernie's humbleness and Cindy's faithfulness.  Being humble isn't natural for a lot of people, but it was one of Ernie's strong points.  He didn't' care how much money he had in the bank as he knew his blessings were his family and ability to work each day on the farm he loved.  Cindy had several struggles in her life.  She faced her autoimmune disorder head-on and didn't let it hold her back from starting a business and being an awesome grandma.  Her faith in God helped her have a positive outlook on life, as she knew there were better days ahead for all of us in Heaven.

If you have in-laws, please treasure them this Easter Season.  I've come to realize that I had two of the best in-laws that I could have asked for in this life.  I'm thankful for God's promise that we will meet each other again someday.  Easter Blessings ~ Lydia

Easter 2015

New Year, Same Me

2016 was a hard year for our family.  The death of Dan's parents, plus the miscarriage last summer, along with a new career for me and a farm business transition for the entire family, added up to be one of those years that we will never forget, and probably never want to relive.

Heading into the New Year, I remember saying I was so excited to be starting fresh in 2017.  I was so ready to be done with the previous year!   Somehow it's the middle of January already and the hurt and grief from 2016 are still fresh.  I thought that magically all the pain would go away when the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve, but it didn't.  I still miss Ernie and Cindy tremendously.

Christmas went ok.  Cindy had purchased books last fall for the kids before she passed away, so they got a present from her which was special.  She also had picked out jewelry for Kate, Laura, and me.  Cindy's tradition was to give the girls jewelry in our stockings.  It always made us laugh.  None of us are fancy people and very rarely where showy jewelry, but she always picked out big earrings and long necklaces that she thought "looked like our style."  She purchased our jewelry during one of her last stays at the KU Medical Center Gift Shop in September.

There's just lots I miss right now about Ernie and Cindy.  They were a big part of our support system, watching our kids if we ever needed a date night.  I miss randomly dropping by their house in Barnes.  I miss going to the bakery for coffee and good conversation.  I miss calling Cindy to tell her something good that happened that day and also calling her to complain about something Dan did that reminded me of Ernie.  I miss seeing Ernie pull up to our house on the farm each morning.  I miss texting Ernie pictures of his girl Ida.  I miss seeing the girls play with Grandpa Ernie and Grandma Cindy.  Lorena still talks about them a little, but mostly stating that they are buried up on the mountain and are in Heaven with Jesus.  I miss everything that used to be normal in our lives that seems to be turned upside down at the moment.

Matthew 5:4 reads, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."  I know that God will wrap his arms around me if I trust in him.  Not that' I haven't trusted in him...I think I've just pushed all the feelings aside for the time being and joyfully waiting for the New Year to get here so I wouldn't have to deal with them.  It's funny how grief catches up with you, and it has caught up with me finally. 

Quiet days bring a flood of emotions...

Two weeks before Cindy passed away, she had an episode that scared all of us.  That Saturday we thought we were going to lose her.  We all met at the hospital where she was staying and sat with her a few hours.  She came out of her episode and in typical Cindy fashion, she was full of advice for us.

Looking back, it's rather funny, but at the time it was pretty hard for me to hear what she had to say.  Most of us got good reviews, except for me.  Dan's sister Kate had wonderful leadership and management skills, while Jeremy (Kate's husband) has been a good husband to Kate and a really hard worker.  Dan's other sister Laura had great organizational skills and was a wonderful mom to Kaleb, and her husband Kevin had grown so much in his faith (even though he still probably drank too much beer for Cindy's liking).  Dan had stepped up to the plate and grown so much this past year after Ernie passed away.  Cindy praised his success in taking on more responsibility on the farm, while still being a good dad to our girls.  And then she got to me.  Cindy explained that I reminded her of herself when she was younger.  Cindy told me that I worked too much and put too much emphasis on my job.  She reminded me that kids grow up fast, and my number one goal should be raising them.  Then she said I needed to get over my guilt complex.  I have a tendency to feel guilty for things that I have no control over. Ouch.  I pretty much shook my head up and down until she was done, and then had to leave the room to shed a few tears and say a few cuss words.

After a few days of thought and Dan having a conversation with her, I know what she was really trying to say to me.  Also with the combination of morphine and muscle relaxers she was taking, she was feeling pretty open about giving her two cents.  She worked so much when her kids were little, and she wished she could have been there more for them.  She loved me and was so proud of what I do for our family, she just wanted to remind me of what's really important in life.  Cindy and I are more alike then I like to admit sometimes and I'm really missing her right now. 

I know she was probably right.  As I sat watching a movie with Dan and the girls last night (it's the first quiet night we've had in a long time), I started feeling guilty.  Lorena randomly started talking about Grandma Cindy and I immediately felt bad that I didn't take the girls to see her more toward the end.  I'm just sad that they won't get to know her.  I also know that I need to be more intentional with my time with the girls.  I love my job but when I'm home I need to put my work away, stay off facebook, and focus on them.  Harvest is almost over and while I'm looking forward to more down time, I'm afraid the quietness of the days will bring more emotions flooding over our family.

My thoughts today

My mother in law passed away peacefully on Friday morning.  She went to heaven and was joyfully reunited with her beloved husband Ernie of 40 years.  We are happy this she is no longer struggling here on Earth.  She fought the good fight for over 10 years, outliving her diagnosis by 8 years. 

I had somewhat distanced myself emotionally from Cindy since Ernie died.  I still visited her occasionally, talked on the phone, and brought the kids over to play at her house when I could.  But it was so hard for me to see her without him.  I knew her heart was broken.  She was such a tough lady but living without him was hard.  They completed each other, enjoyed working together, and loved their grandchildren dearly.  They had very few fights which mainly pertained to Ernie wearing his dirty boots in the house and forgetting to take a shower before he climbed into bed after a long day of work.  I'm so glad they are finally together again.

Cindy was always there to share some of her wisdom with me.  I don't sew, so it was very helpful to have a mother-in-law to patch our clothes and sew buttons for us.  She always was willing to listen if I had a problem, no matter how big or small.  She wore many hats, working at the bakery, managing the farm bookkeeping, and being a good grandma, mom, and friend to lots of people.  Most of all, she had a faith stronger than anyone I know.  She trusted Jesus fully and without reservation.

We have such a big void in our family that can never be filled.  I know time will heal some of our pain.  Lots of tears will be shed but we also rejoice that Cindy is in Heaven, a place that we all want to be someday.  ~ Lydia

http://www.wardfuneralhomekansas.com/fh/obituaries/obituary.cfm?o_id=3982667&fh_id=10337