January again?

Yay for a New Year!  I'm looking forward to 2016...I think it will be an exciting year.  I don't like the blahs of January and February though.  These dreary months of Winter always brings back a sad mixture of emotions for our family.  I will always treasure this picture from our wedding in 2009.  In hind sight, life was pretty easy back then and Dan and I hadn't really been through much at all.

Our family has grown so much since our wedding but we have experienced loss too.  Kate and Jeremy have had two more girls (Abi and Lily), Kevin and Laura have a miracle little boy Kaleb but heaven gained Kaden in January of 2010 and precious baby Savannah in February of 2015.  Dan and I have had two little girls since then too.  Our family has so much to be grateful for.  It's not that I'm trying to bring myself down, it's just hard not to think about Kaden and Savannah this time of year.  

Dan called me a few minutes ago.  He was driving the excavator across the field which is a rather monotonous task and was bored, so I guess his best option was to call his wife and chat.  We were talking about this year and what it would bring.  He made the comment, "I guess God knows what he is doing and prepares us along the way for what's to come"  It's reassuring to have a God fearing husband with good insight!  It's hard after some of the things our family has been through, to see why God does what he does.  It is painful, lots of tears have been shed, lots of why us?  And after dealing with my gluten/dairy issue and feeling sick for so long, I honestly feel a bit sorry for myself a few days and wonder "why me?"  (I know I will get better over time, it's just human nature to want immediate results)  

I guess it's ok to wonder why.  But it's also important to remember that everything in life that happens to us (good and bad) is preparing us for the future.  God doesn't make mistakes.  

Just some deep thoughts on this dreary January morning. ~ Lydia

Never Enough Time

There's never enough time when we come home to visit my family in Illinois...no matter how many days we spend there.  We are headed back now since they put a big snow storm into the forecast for kansas.  We should get 6-8 inches starting early Monday morning with lots of wind and cold.  Dan wants to get back to help take care of the cattle.  I'm actually somewhat ready to get back and unpack/organize all of our Christmas gifts.  We did get to visit with some of our favorite people...mom, dad, aunt Becky and uncle Danny, Maria, Addie and Michael and the boys, Nancy, Jesse and Jose and their kids, Laurel and Doug, and Mary Frances.  We just missed seeing the rest of the Edwards family and my good friend Zach and numerous other friends and family. And my bestest friend Angela who lives in Wisconsin was not able to make it back to Illinois to visit her family either due to snow. Like I said, there is never enough time no matter how long we stay.  It was a good trip.  I think it's just easy to fantasize about being "home for the holidays" when you don't live where you grew up.  Nothing is ever the same, everything changes.  It's not bad or good, just different, which is ok.  I think it's important to live in the moment and not compare our holidays to pictures on Facebook.  The Yukon is full of toys and gifts...we took in a wonderful mass at St. John's on Christmas Eve...and the girls had lots of fun.  Also reminds me of a quote my dad loves in Lonesome Dove when Lorie is yearning for life in California.  "Lorie darlin', life in San Francisco, you see, is still just life. If you want any one thing too badly, it's likely to turn out to be a disappointment. The only healthy way to live life is to learn to like all the little everyday things, like a sip of good whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, a glass of buttermilk, or a feisty gentleman like myself."  I also love this quote.  It's always good to visit and look forward to trips but it's more important to enjoy the little everyday things in life.

~ Lydia 

My new quilt

Dan's Grandma Norma pieced together a quilt for me made of my t-shirts from college and grad school. Her friend Shelley finished it by quilting it using the meandering style. I love it!  I can't help but smile and laugh at the memories held in each t-shirt.                 

 Some of my favorite moments:                    

Studying Agriculture Economics at Illinois was an amazing experience.  I will never forgot how proud dad and mom were of me (and my twin sis Maris too) when we got into the university.

Sigma Alpha was a huge part of my college experience.  I met some of my best friends through this organization and gained valuable leadership skills.  I was in charge of recruitment the year we made these t shirts.  Wow - 10 years ago 

What a memorable trip!  Maria, Jennifer , Julie, and I road tripped in the Tahoe to Buffalo, New York to accept an award at our sorority's National Convention.  "Buffalo or bust". We saw Niagra Falls and came home through Canada. 

Senior year I went on a 2 week study tour to Argentina.  It is still hands down the best trip I've ever been on. It didn't get off to the best start, as our plane was delayed and we were stranded in South Beach Florida for a day/night without our luggage.  That city was an eye opener for us farm kids from Illinois.  I hope I can go back to Argentina someday as it was an amazing experience (once we made it out of South Beach).

Long live the Chief!  

Broomball champs!  I think all the other sorority girls were scared of us corn fed farm girls. We knew how to play hard on the ice.

One of the best decisions I made was to go back to grad school.  Graduate school was definitely a lot of work but I'm very blessed to have worked at such a prestigious agriculture school like Purdue.                                  Thanks again Grandma Norma and Shelley!

Gluten Free Pony Shoes

I miss "home" sometimes on Sundays so I decided to make horse shoes for lunch. Illinois is famous for horse shoes and I made a gluten free version.  Usually Texas toast is the bottom layer but we just ate them without bread.  Definitely not too healthy but very good.

 Gluten free flour    

 Yummy cheese sauce 

 Gluten free steak fries - some seasonings on frozen fries have gluten, so have to be careful here too!

 

 Hiesterman ground beef - a staple in our house 

Finished product with some ketchup

Life in Linn Kansas

I blogged last week about my recent celiac diagnosis.  It's been a bit overwhelming but I've had a ton of support.  It's often hard to find gluten free options in rural communities but I've had such a positive experience so far, that I had to share.

1. Our local bar "Just Left" has ordered Red Bridge for me.  Red Bridge is a sorghum beer made by Anheuser-Busch.  It's rather tasty and perfect for my gluten free diet, as I can still consume grains.  Also, drinking beer made from sorghum is widely accepted by my farmer husband that raises grain sorghum.

2.  Our local grocery store "Jack's" has reached out to me.  I had a facebook message from someone associated with the store that basically said the store would be happy to order me whatever I needed to help with my diet.  How awesome is that?

3.  My sister in law Kate has been super excited to make me a Gluten Free Pumpkin Pie.  After several unsuccessful tries of getting the dough perfect, she sent me a picture of the beginnings of my first gluten fee pie crust.  She didn't want me to feel left out at Thanksgiving so I have my very own pie.  How thoughtful is she?

I really did marry into a great family and move to a wonderful community 7 years ago.  Have a Great Thanksgiving!

Finally a Diagnosis #Celiac

Yesterday I found out I have Celiac disease.  Celiac is an autoimmune disorder that damages the small intestine.  When the small intestine is damaged, nutrients are not absorbed correctly into the body. My doctor had thought for several months that Celiac was the cause of all my health issues and we finally got the tests back saying that she was correct.  I've had major stomach issues, fatigue, itchy skin, and other symptoms of not feeling well since January.  Test results show that my small intestine is damaged, and I'm malnourished in some nutrients that are critical for normal metabolism.  The only treatment is a long term and permanent diet of staying away from gluten.  Gluten is the name for proteins found in wheat, rye, barley, and triticale and is often hidden in ordinary food, therefore intense label reading is a must for me from here on out.

It's been hard for me to accept that I can't have gluten anymore.  I've been 90 percent gluten free for the past few months and after being off gluten for weeks on end, my symptoms show small improvements.  I just think it's ironic for me to get Celiac.  We live on a farm in North Central Kansas and grow Hard Red Winter Wheat.  This type of wheat is used mostly for breads and all purpose flour which I can never have again.  Going "gluten free"  has been a major diet trend the past few years.  Experts estimate though that only 1% of Americans have celiac disease.  For these people with Celiac, it is essential to stay away from gluten permanently.  However, for the rest of the population, gluten has so many health benefits.  Whole grains that have gluten are rich in vitamins and minerals and should be part of a healthy diet.  As a Mom of two little girls, I feel comfortable feeding them products with gluten since they don't have Celiac disease. They will still have peanut butter sandwiches made from whole wheat bread and birthday cake made from all purpose flour, and whole wheat pasta on special occasions.

Am I a Prize?

Through my work, I have the opportunity to meet with many different people.  Usually I sit across from the farmer at his table and talk farming.  While my main reason for the visit is to go through paperwork and finalize crop insurance claims to get the farmer paid, our conversations often drift in other directions.  I seem to have the personality that makes others feel comfortable opening up to me.  I do take longer to get things done than some of my co-workers (and they do tease me about this), but I have learned so much during the past few years by just listening to others.  I have gained wisdom and a new perspective.

This fall I met with a man who had lost his wife several years ago.  The pain of her death remains with him even though it's almost been a decade since she passed away.  He and his wife worked together on the farm for almost 50 years.  They went through struggles like any couple.  They started out dirt poor with a bunch of kids to raise, but grew their farm into a very successful business over the years.  We talked about divorce and how it's so commonplace these days.  He told me divorce used to be "shameful," but now it is just accepted.  He and his wife went through many hard times but he told me that once you get through those rough patches, things are so much better...as long as you just stick it out.  He told me that his wife could have left him many times but they stayed committed.  He said to me, "she was such a prize."

I know that's just one old farmer's opinion, but it really stuck with me and actually brought me to tears at his kitchen table.  My generation sees divorce as normal.  I do believe that there are some situations when divorce is inevitable, and I'm definitely not trying to bash anyone who has been divorced.  But when the farmer asked me if I was getting a divorce (I hadn't even said one thing to him about my marriage), I firmly said "no."  It's not that I haven't thought about divorce.  I think every wife thinks about it during the hard times.  If a wife says she hasn't thought about it, I think she's lying.  Marriage is hard.  I know it's been for me.  Don't get me wrong, Dan and I have had some really good times and have two beautiful girls, but I now realize I came into marriage with lots of unrealistic expectations.  When Dan wasn't meeting my needs I pretty much just shut down.  Everything he did was wrong.  I complained about everything he did.  I was not the best Mom or Wife that I could have been.  I'm pretty sure Dan wouldn't have used the phrase "she is such a prize," when talking about me during certain times in our marriage.

But it's ok.  As Romans 3:23 states, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  We are all sinners.  Dan and I are just two imperfect people trying to make our marriage work.  It's not perfect but no marriage is perfect.  We are committed to each other and our family.  We are both working on communication, being better partners, and meeting each others needs.

I'm thankful I took the time to visit with that old farmer.  I hope someday Dan can sit back in his rocking chair when he's 80 and say, "look at my wife, she's been such a prize!"  Actually I hope he can say that today and everyday to come. ~ Lydia