It takes a village

This time of the year is always rather difficult for me.  This is my stressful season for work and a rather busy time for Dan on the farm.  Farmers usually don't quit work at 5 during the summers and I'm still on the road at that time on most days.  So adding a two little girls in to the mix has taken some getting used to for both of us.  It truly takes a village to take care of our kids during the summer.  I'm so thankful for Diane who has been our full time daycare provider for several years.  And most recently we've had two teenagers, Hannah and Haley, help us with the girls.  They have both of been such a big help and we appreciate you more than you girls will ever know.

We had a busy weekend so this Monday has been full of coffee and yawns for me!  My college roommate from senior year at U of I and her hubby come to visit.  We were so glad to see them.  Thanks for road tripping to see us Julie and Sam!  Most of my good college friends are spread across the Midwest.  A lot of them are involved in farming so it makes it hard to get together during the summer, especially since I'm way out in Kansas.  But it does make the few times we get together during the year extra special for all of us.  We also took a quick trip to the lake on Sunday.  We took Dan's Aunt Ramona and Uncle John, and Dan's sister Kate and her family for the day.  The lake is always so much fun for the kids.
    

Beach Baby

my niece Liz and Ida

my niece Lily

Time to get back to work for me. ~ Lydia

Girl Update

Ida turned one on May 17.  She just started walking a few weeks ago and is practically running now.  She likes to get in trouble, has a very mischievous grin, and has a tendency to bite her momma when she gets excited.  She reminds us of a monkey.  She can squirm out of her high chair or swing even though she is strapped in tightly.  She still likes her bottle.  Some of her favorite foods are ham, cheese, bananas, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  She is about 24 pounds right now and is about 28 inches tall.  She is a healthy little girl.

Lorena is growing up so fast and will be three in September.  She went from not saying much to being able to have a conversation.  She says the funniest things and has different words for things.  She calls the remote control the "mo-trol," she calls our dog Jasper, "Baster", and sometimes puts a "d" on the end of it.  She just has a hard time saying her j sounds.  She can count to 15 and sings all of the time.  She breaks out in song, usually singing Happy Birthday or Jesus Loves Me or Jesus Loves All the Children of the World.  We are in the process of potty training.  That girl is still so stocky.  She weighs 43 pounds and is over 3 feet tall.  

We had a fun lake weekend with some friends at Kanopolis Lake.  We wanted to take a quick trip because wheat harvest is just around the corner.  The girls did pretty well.  Ida didn't like her life jacket much but both of them loved the water.

Work hasn't been terribly busy for me yet but I have a feeling I will have a lot of wheat claims.  I'm still trying to adjust to being a working Mom of two, married to a farmer.  But that's for a future blog post!

Prayers

At 1:30 am this morning (Feb 7) Dan's mom called us and told us that our niece Savannah Jean had passed away from a brain bleed.  Savannah and her twin Kaleb Ernest were born on February 5.  Dan and I are still in complete disbelief.  We visited Kevin, Laura, Savannah, and Kaleb yesterday.  All the nurses were very positive and the babies were doing great considering that they were born at 26 weeks and roughly 2 pounds each.  That's the thing about preemies and life in general, things can change in an instant.

I didn't want the sun to come up today.  I thought that just maybe if the sun didn't come up, we didn't have to acknowledge Savannah's death.  I woke up early and made some coffee, and then I watched the sunrise.  It was a beautiful sunrise.  I cried as it got light outside because it meant that all of it was true, that it wasn't just a bad dream.  I didn't cry for me.  I cried for Kevin and Laura.  They are the two most deserving, loving, kind parents I know.  The BEST parents.  And for some reason God takes their children away too soon.  It didn't make sense 5 years ago when He took Kaden, and it still doesn't make sense today as He whispered Savannah's name.  I'm asking a lot of "whys" today.  Why can't things be easier for Kevin and Laura?  Why did Lorena make it and not Savannah?  Why does God make good people go through horrible things?

It's hard to be too mad at God today, we still have Kaleb on this Earth. Saw this post on Kevin's Facebook wall early this morning.  I know God is a good and faithful God, that He doesn't make mistakes, and there is a divine plan for each and everyone of us.  I know Kevin and Laura have been a light for so many people.  I just wish it didn't have to be this way.   Please please please take a moment and pray for Kaleb, that he continues to be strong, and continues to grow in the NICU.  Also please pray for strength for Kevin and Laura.    

.https://www.facebook.com/ClarkTwinsSavannahandKaleb

New year, new look

It's a new year, ok it's been a new year for almost a month now, but I've decided this is the year for me to work on myself!  I've put myself on the backburner for a while and I'm ready to start feeling better.

As some of you probably know, I've had TMJ/TMD problems for 3 or 4 years.  It comes and goes but has been the worst since I had Ida.  Basically I have headaches, earaches, jaw pain, neck pain, etc.  Before I experienced this condition, I honestly thought people made it up!  Boy was I wrong.

I've gone to a TMJ specialist in Kansas City that I found on Facebook (yes I know, probably not the most credible source but whatever).  He wanted me to spend a ton of money to get my jaw/teeth realigned.  I've been to an ENT.  I've done physical therapy with someone locally and also in Topeka who specializes in headaches.  I've been to countless chiropractors and tried massage therapy.  Most treatments have helped temporarily but nothing has been earth shattering to say the least.

I finally went to an orthodonist in Manhattan who was recommended by my local dentist.  He examined me and decided I need braces.  Basically I have an overbite and some other issues which are causing a misalignment of my bite.  So I got braces yesterday.  They are ceramic and fairly unnoticeable in my opinion.

I went to Tindall Orthodontics in Manhattan.  What an awesome experience!  Everyone is super nice, professional, and efficient.  And they have freshly brewed coffee for you while you wait to be seen.  I can't recommend it enough.  It's been good so far and I'm hoping the braces help relieve some of my problems.

my braces, not that noticeable right!?!

I got my picture taken right after my braces were set

A work in progress

I've been doing a lot of reflection the past few weeks.  The holidays are over, work has slowed down, both kids are sleeping much better, and I just have more time to think about the past year.

This isn't an easy post for me to write.  When I was talking to Maria a few days ago about blogging about my post partum depression she actually said "Lydia, some of your thoughts aren't meant to be written in your blog."  I think her point is valid in some ways but I just wanted to share what I've been going through since Ida has been born in hopes of helping other moms out there.

Maternity leave for me was amazing.  Ida was born May 17 and we had 6 weeks of bliss, I'm really not kidding!  Lorena went to daycare most days and I had all day to spend with Ida.  She wasn't sleeping the best so I was tired most of the time like any new mom.  But after a little bit of coffee, Ida and I had wonderful days together.  We would go shopping in Manhattan, out for lunch in Salina, or just hang out and watch tv at home.  It was actually an awesome bonding time for us.  If you can swing it, I highly recommend sending the toddler to daycare while you are home with a newborn on maternity leave.

I went back to work June 30 right when wheat harvest began.  I didn't mind it much, I like being busy, and I really like my job.  But 2014 was our worst wheat harvest in 25 years which led to more wheat claims than I had ever had.  I also tried to keep up my pattern of traveling to Illinois with the kids to see my family which actually was quite exhausting.  It was a rough summer.

I actually don't know where I started shutting down emotionally and mentally.  I think it was fairly gradual. Farmers are busy in the summer and fall so Dan actually had no idea that I was suffering, he thought everything was ok.  I would smile and he thought everything was just great!  I finally had to explain to him that even though I sometimes appear happy and smiling, that I could just be faking it.  Basically women are weird complicated creatures  The farm comes first, so I just kind of dealt with Dan being gone long hours.  Both kids didn't sleep through the night for months.  Ida would be up at 1, Lorena at 2, Ida at 4, and Lorena at 6 some days.  Somehow in the day to day care of two kids, a farmer husband, and a demanding job, I lost myself.  I remember saying several times in November that "my kids had sucked the life out of me."  I honestly can't believe I said that, but I did.  I was drinking way too much beer at night and way too much coffee during the day.  I just wanted to work all of the time and not be at home.  I didn't want to spend time with my husband or kids.  That's just how it was at that point.

I confided in a few people during that time and I'm forever grateful for them.  I honestly didn't realize I had PPD.  I know it sounds silly, but I thought I was doing great and handling everything just fine.  Hindsight is 20/20.

I know I haven't been a good wife or friend during the past few months.  I didn't return phone calls or emails, I didn't make an effort to hang out with my family here, I honestly didn't have anything to give anybody.  I got so worn down that it affected my health.  I had laryngitis for an entire month and I'm finally almost over it thankfully.  I literally have my voice back now.  I'm also on some medicine to help with my PPD.  I'm exercising again, eating better foods, and drinking a ton of water each day. The best way to describe how I feel is that a heavy fog has been lifted.  I can see again and am starting to feel like old myself.

Like I said, it was really hard for me to write this, but I feel like I needed to.  If you are suffering please talk to your doctor.  You can also talk to me if you need a friend.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise!

Finally an update on the girls!

I started a post 2 months ago with an update on the girls and am just getting back to it today.

The girls are changing so fast these days.  Ida started crawling on her tummy around 6 1/2 months and sitting on her own at about 7 1/2 months.  Somehow in just a few short weeks she can go from crawling, to sitting, to pulling herself up on chairs, and standing up and balancing herself holding on with just one hand.  She has been eating great for the past few months.  She is in 9 month clothes still but will probably be up in the next size within a month.  At her appt in January she was 17 pounds and 9 ounces which put her right around the 50 percentile.  She has been average so far in height and weight.  She is overall a wonderful, smiley baby!

Lorena has changed a lot too in the past few months.  She is still big for her age, probably around 36 pounds.  She is very strong.  She can talk in sentences with 4 to 6 words.  She loves to play with puzzles and books and is especially close to Dan right now, which makes me smile.  She is very stuck in her ways though kind of like Dan too.  She is very particular about her boots, her hats, her pillow, her sippy cup, etc.  Things have to be a certain way for her or it upsets her.  She likes her schedule which is good because I finally feel like we are in a good flow with things at home.  We just started giving Lorena and Ida baths together.  It's so much fun to see them play together.  Lorena can be rough on Ida but Ida is tough and can handle anything her big sister throws at her.

The best thing for Dan and me the past few weeks has been the kids finally sleeping!  There are still nights when one or both wake up, but for the most part they are both sleeping through the night.  They are asleep around 9 and get up around 7 in the morning on a good day.  Ida is sleeping in her crib in my office and Lorena is sleeping in her double bed in her room.  They still have separate rooms for now.  It makes for a much better day for me and Dan when they sleep through the night.  Things are finally slowing down with work for me so we are going to tackle some house projects.  We are going to paint the kitchen/dining room, and get new flooring in about half of the main floor of the house.  I'm pretty excited about it.  Will post before and after pictures as we go.

Some Very Special News Times Two

 I'm going to be an aunt again!  Dan's sister, Laura, and her husband Kevin are expecting twins.  I do love all of my nieces and nephews but these two babies are going to be extra special to our family.

I can't begin to explain how important Kevin and Laura are to me.  Kevin is the go-to guy for any computer problem, knows how to smoke ribs with the best of them,  and loves his wife Laura to pieces.  Laura has been such a good aunt to my children.  She babysat Lorena for 4 months before she went to daycare and helped babysit both of them this summer while Ida was still very young.  She readily volunteers to watch her sister Kate's 4 kids if Kate needs some help.  Laura has a love for children that I've never seen before.  She was truly happy for me when I found out each time I was pregnant, mourned with me after my miscarriage, and loves Ida and Lorena with such a deep love.

Divorce rates for parents after the death of a child are 8 times higher than the average according to one study.  No marriage is all sunshine and roses, but Kevin and Laura are a perfect example of a marriage that will last through better or worse, good times and bad.  I'm so excited for them to be parents again.  They were such good parents to Kaden and I'm sure he is looking down from heaven smiling.

Please pray for Laura, Kevin, and the health of their two little babies that are due next spring. ~ Lydia
 

October 2014.  Ida, Laura, Lorena, and Kevin