Life After the NICU - Our preemie is 3

This is an emotional time of year for me.  The week leading up to Lorena's birth and first few weeks in the NICU were some of the hardest moments in my life.  While on bed rest at the hospital, nurses and doctors tried to prepare me for a premature birth.  My water was leaking so it was inevitable that I would have a premature delivery.  A nurse showed me a micro-preemie diaper and I remember thinking there's no way a baby could be that small.  She went over the details of birth and NICU life.  There would be lots of specialists in the room during birth, the baby would be very tiny and fragile, she would be hooked to many cords and monitors when we eventually got to see her.  She went over hand washing, sanitation, keeping the baby away from germs, especially kids, and special precautions during flu and RSV season.  If that wasn't enough to take in, the doctors also went over long term impacts of premature birth.  The baby could be blind, have cerebral palsy, developmental delays, and possibly not even survive.

As you can see, her birth was rather traumatizing for me.  Most moms are very, very ready for the baby to come out during a full term delivery.  Premature deliveries are different.  You are praying to God and pleading with the nurses and doctors to do whatever it takes to keep the baby inside.  Modern medicine can only go so far and than God takes over.  In reality, He is always in control and has a perfect plan for each little baby.  Lorena was born at 27 weeks 6 days gestation.  She weighed 2 pounds 7.9 ounces and was 15 inches long.  

First picture - 1 day old

First time holding her - 1 week old

2 weeks old

Kangaroo Care - 3 weeks old

Headed home - 9 weeks old (37 weeks gestation) - 5 pounds 4 ounces

First Birthday Party

Second Birthday Party

Lorena is growing up.  Most people think she is 4.  She wear big girl underwear and is getting better about going in the potty.  She has been wearing 5t clothes all summer long and size 9-10 shoes.  She is over 3 feet tall and was 46 pounds last time we checked.  She loves watching Mickey Mouse, Peppa Pig, and Sophia the First.  She talks a lot and likes to sing.  Today for the first time she jumped on my lap and said "I love you Mom."  Definitely melted my heart just a bit.  She likes playing with her dolls, legos, and stacking blocks.  Her favorite foods are eggs, sausage, peaches, fruit snacks, and milk.  She especially loves playing outside in her play house and sand box.  She's pretty found of her "baby sister Ida."

Preemies are strong.  Lorena is living proof of that.  I wish all preemies had the same outcome as Lorena, but each preemie has his/her own unique journey.  We are thankful to God for our little girl.  She has taught us a lot in her short life.  We love you Lorena Ruth.

Showing me her braids

They love each other

Cheesing at the camera 

End of Summer Lake Trip

Somehow it's September 1...and I'm not really sure how we got here.  Summer is practically over and you can feel fall just around the corner.  We planned a lake trip with some of Dan's college friends and were able to spend 3 nights at Lake Milford last weekend.  The weather wasn't ideal but we all had a good time.  Dan went to North Central Kansas Technical College, better known as NCKTC to folks in central Kansas.  He met some of his best friends in college but rarely gets to see them so he was pretty excited.  It's so much fun to see all of our kids playing together and becoming friends too.

Watching us pack for the lake trip

All of the following pictures are of the lake trip.  There is a wonderful playground for the kids at our campsite.  We have been camping at Curtis Creek on the south side of Milford Lake.  We will definitely be back next year.

It takes a village

This time of the year is always rather difficult for me.  This is my stressful season for work and a rather busy time for Dan on the farm.  Farmers usually don't quit work at 5 during the summers and I'm still on the road at that time on most days.  So adding a two little girls in to the mix has taken some getting used to for both of us.  It truly takes a village to take care of our kids during the summer.  I'm so thankful for Diane who has been our full time daycare provider for several years.  And most recently we've had two teenagers, Hannah and Haley, help us with the girls.  They have both of been such a big help and we appreciate you more than you girls will ever know.

We had a busy weekend so this Monday has been full of coffee and yawns for me!  My college roommate from senior year at U of I and her hubby come to visit.  We were so glad to see them.  Thanks for road tripping to see us Julie and Sam!  Most of my good college friends are spread across the Midwest.  A lot of them are involved in farming so it makes it hard to get together during the summer, especially since I'm way out in Kansas.  But it does make the few times we get together during the year extra special for all of us.  We also took a quick trip to the lake on Sunday.  We took Dan's Aunt Ramona and Uncle John, and Dan's sister Kate and her family for the day.  The lake is always so much fun for the kids.
    

Beach Baby

my niece Liz and Ida

my niece Lily

Time to get back to work for me. ~ Lydia

Girl Update

Ida turned one on May 17.  She just started walking a few weeks ago and is practically running now.  She likes to get in trouble, has a very mischievous grin, and has a tendency to bite her momma when she gets excited.  She reminds us of a monkey.  She can squirm out of her high chair or swing even though she is strapped in tightly.  She still likes her bottle.  Some of her favorite foods are ham, cheese, bananas, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  She is about 24 pounds right now and is about 28 inches tall.  She is a healthy little girl.

Lorena is growing up so fast and will be three in September.  She went from not saying much to being able to have a conversation.  She says the funniest things and has different words for things.  She calls the remote control the "mo-trol," she calls our dog Jasper, "Baster", and sometimes puts a "d" on the end of it.  She just has a hard time saying her j sounds.  She can count to 15 and sings all of the time.  She breaks out in song, usually singing Happy Birthday or Jesus Loves Me or Jesus Loves All the Children of the World.  We are in the process of potty training.  That girl is still so stocky.  She weighs 43 pounds and is over 3 feet tall.  

We had a fun lake weekend with some friends at Kanopolis Lake.  We wanted to take a quick trip because wheat harvest is just around the corner.  The girls did pretty well.  Ida didn't like her life jacket much but both of them loved the water.

Work hasn't been terribly busy for me yet but I have a feeling I will have a lot of wheat claims.  I'm still trying to adjust to being a working Mom of two, married to a farmer.  But that's for a future blog post!

Prayers

At 1:30 am this morning (Feb 7) Dan's mom called us and told us that our niece Savannah Jean had passed away from a brain bleed.  Savannah and her twin Kaleb Ernest were born on February 5.  Dan and I are still in complete disbelief.  We visited Kevin, Laura, Savannah, and Kaleb yesterday.  All the nurses were very positive and the babies were doing great considering that they were born at 26 weeks and roughly 2 pounds each.  That's the thing about preemies and life in general, things can change in an instant.

I didn't want the sun to come up today.  I thought that just maybe if the sun didn't come up, we didn't have to acknowledge Savannah's death.  I woke up early and made some coffee, and then I watched the sunrise.  It was a beautiful sunrise.  I cried as it got light outside because it meant that all of it was true, that it wasn't just a bad dream.  I didn't cry for me.  I cried for Kevin and Laura.  They are the two most deserving, loving, kind parents I know.  The BEST parents.  And for some reason God takes their children away too soon.  It didn't make sense 5 years ago when He took Kaden, and it still doesn't make sense today as He whispered Savannah's name.  I'm asking a lot of "whys" today.  Why can't things be easier for Kevin and Laura?  Why did Lorena make it and not Savannah?  Why does God make good people go through horrible things?

It's hard to be too mad at God today, we still have Kaleb on this Earth. Saw this post on Kevin's Facebook wall early this morning.  I know God is a good and faithful God, that He doesn't make mistakes, and there is a divine plan for each and everyone of us.  I know Kevin and Laura have been a light for so many people.  I just wish it didn't have to be this way.   Please please please take a moment and pray for Kaleb, that he continues to be strong, and continues to grow in the NICU.  Also please pray for strength for Kevin and Laura.    

.https://www.facebook.com/ClarkTwinsSavannahandKaleb

New year, new look

It's a new year, ok it's been a new year for almost a month now, but I've decided this is the year for me to work on myself!  I've put myself on the backburner for a while and I'm ready to start feeling better.

As some of you probably know, I've had TMJ/TMD problems for 3 or 4 years.  It comes and goes but has been the worst since I had Ida.  Basically I have headaches, earaches, jaw pain, neck pain, etc.  Before I experienced this condition, I honestly thought people made it up!  Boy was I wrong.

I've gone to a TMJ specialist in Kansas City that I found on Facebook (yes I know, probably not the most credible source but whatever).  He wanted me to spend a ton of money to get my jaw/teeth realigned.  I've been to an ENT.  I've done physical therapy with someone locally and also in Topeka who specializes in headaches.  I've been to countless chiropractors and tried massage therapy.  Most treatments have helped temporarily but nothing has been earth shattering to say the least.

I finally went to an orthodonist in Manhattan who was recommended by my local dentist.  He examined me and decided I need braces.  Basically I have an overbite and some other issues which are causing a misalignment of my bite.  So I got braces yesterday.  They are ceramic and fairly unnoticeable in my opinion.

I went to Tindall Orthodontics in Manhattan.  What an awesome experience!  Everyone is super nice, professional, and efficient.  And they have freshly brewed coffee for you while you wait to be seen.  I can't recommend it enough.  It's been good so far and I'm hoping the braces help relieve some of my problems.

my braces, not that noticeable right!?!

I got my picture taken right after my braces were set

A work in progress

I've been doing a lot of reflection the past few weeks.  The holidays are over, work has slowed down, both kids are sleeping much better, and I just have more time to think about the past year.

This isn't an easy post for me to write.  When I was talking to Maria a few days ago about blogging about my post partum depression she actually said "Lydia, some of your thoughts aren't meant to be written in your blog."  I think her point is valid in some ways but I just wanted to share what I've been going through since Ida has been born in hopes of helping other moms out there.

Maternity leave for me was amazing.  Ida was born May 17 and we had 6 weeks of bliss, I'm really not kidding!  Lorena went to daycare most days and I had all day to spend with Ida.  She wasn't sleeping the best so I was tired most of the time like any new mom.  But after a little bit of coffee, Ida and I had wonderful days together.  We would go shopping in Manhattan, out for lunch in Salina, or just hang out and watch tv at home.  It was actually an awesome bonding time for us.  If you can swing it, I highly recommend sending the toddler to daycare while you are home with a newborn on maternity leave.

I went back to work June 30 right when wheat harvest began.  I didn't mind it much, I like being busy, and I really like my job.  But 2014 was our worst wheat harvest in 25 years which led to more wheat claims than I had ever had.  I also tried to keep up my pattern of traveling to Illinois with the kids to see my family which actually was quite exhausting.  It was a rough summer.

I actually don't know where I started shutting down emotionally and mentally.  I think it was fairly gradual. Farmers are busy in the summer and fall so Dan actually had no idea that I was suffering, he thought everything was ok.  I would smile and he thought everything was just great!  I finally had to explain to him that even though I sometimes appear happy and smiling, that I could just be faking it.  Basically women are weird complicated creatures  The farm comes first, so I just kind of dealt with Dan being gone long hours.  Both kids didn't sleep through the night for months.  Ida would be up at 1, Lorena at 2, Ida at 4, and Lorena at 6 some days.  Somehow in the day to day care of two kids, a farmer husband, and a demanding job, I lost myself.  I remember saying several times in November that "my kids had sucked the life out of me."  I honestly can't believe I said that, but I did.  I was drinking way too much beer at night and way too much coffee during the day.  I just wanted to work all of the time and not be at home.  I didn't want to spend time with my husband or kids.  That's just how it was at that point.

I confided in a few people during that time and I'm forever grateful for them.  I honestly didn't realize I had PPD.  I know it sounds silly, but I thought I was doing great and handling everything just fine.  Hindsight is 20/20.

I know I haven't been a good wife or friend during the past few months.  I didn't return phone calls or emails, I didn't make an effort to hang out with my family here, I honestly didn't have anything to give anybody.  I got so worn down that it affected my health.  I had laryngitis for an entire month and I'm finally almost over it thankfully.  I literally have my voice back now.  I'm also on some medicine to help with my PPD.  I'm exercising again, eating better foods, and drinking a ton of water each day. The best way to describe how I feel is that a heavy fog has been lifted.  I can see again and am starting to feel like old myself.

Like I said, it was really hard for me to write this, but I feel like I needed to.  If you are suffering please talk to your doctor.  You can also talk to me if you need a friend.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise!