So they call her a Diva

How can it be Halloween already?  On September 6 I couldn't imagine being here already.   Lorena has been in the NICU 55 days.  It has flown by so fast.

Lorena weighed just over 5 pounds on Saturday night, 5 pounds 1.9 ounces on Sunday night, 5 pounds 2.2 ounces on Monday night, and on Tuesday night she weighed 5 pounds 2.5 ounces.  She has been gaining steadily but not at the rate they would like.  Therefore, the nutritionist (Rachel) decided to change feedings to 4 bottles of formula and 4 bottles of breast milk a day.  She receives vitamins in some of the feedings but is no longer getting protein supplements in the milk.  They are hoping this formula will help her put on more weight in the coming days.  She is still taking about 1/2 to 2/3 of feedings by bottle and the rest through her tube.  Her meals are increasing and she is now getting 49 mils (about 1 2/3 ounces) each feeding.

I had been mentally preparing for the day that my milk supply would fail to keep up with her but it was hard to take when it finally happened this week.  I have a condition which causes low milk supply, (also the same condition that made it harder for us to conceive).  This condition is called Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and about 10% of women have it.  It causes a hormonal imbalance that may lead to cysts on the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, weight gain, and apparently low milk supply!  Some women with PCOS overproduce milk, some have normal supply, and some (like me) have a relatively low supply.  I know I have done everything I can to help my supply:  fenugreek tablets, mother's milk tea, lots of water, brewers yeast tablets, actual brewers yeast from drinking beer (I may have over done this one a few times), eating more fruits and vegetables, oatmeal (cookies mainly), but nothing seems to help.  I have also tried two prescriptions (reglun and domeridone), and domperidone actually has doubled my milk supply which I am very thankful for.  But all the frozen milk has been used in the NICU and we are now relying on my current supply.  It just makes me feel like a failure not to be able to supply food to my baby.  All of the nurses have been supportive and are proud of me for pumping this long, and I will continue to pump for a while.  My sister Maria reminded me today that I have a beautiful healthy baby girl and that it isn't the end of the world if I have to give her formula.  I need to be reminded of this sometimes!

She is going to do things on her own time (as she always has done).  So she will be able to go home once she takes all her feedings with a bottle.  The nurses have called her a "diva" recently because she likes to cry and fuss a lot.  I hope Dan is prepared for having a daughter like Lorena. ;-)

her tiny hands

sleepy girl

sleepy girl again

Busy Day including a trip to the Topeka Police Department

Lorena continues to grow.  She weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces on Friday and on Saturday she was up to 4 pounds 14.9 ounces.  We were there all day today but I forgot to ask how much she weighed.  Nonetheless, I'm sure she is almost to the 5 pound mark.

In her cute skeleton Halloween onesie

with Mommy.  I look tired today.

with Daddy.  Note she is crying and he is doing great with her :-)

Lorena is doing well.  Deb says she may be able to go home end of this week at the earliest!  I'm trying to not get my hopes up but I can't help it...I think she will be home this week. :-)  The day she was born, the doctors and nurses told us that she would have many ups and downs in the NICU.  I remember Dan and I shaking our heads (after the doctors left) and saying that Lorena wouldn't have any downs.  It has been over 7 weeks and she honestly hasn't had any down days!  She stumbled at first to digest food, breathe without support, etc., but she has always surpassed each milestone with flying colors.  The first few weeks she did have an infection though, but Dan and I were too naive to realize how sick she really was.  I am thankful for being naive for once!  Lorena was very festive today.  She had a pink Halloween onesie on when we got there and we changed her into the adorable pumpkin outfit that Sarah Neely (a good family friend) gave us.

Lorena had an echo done on her heart on Thursday to check on the murmur she has had since birth.  The heart valves in a full term baby usually close soon after birth. Most preemies have heart murmurs from being premature, and most will heal without intervention.  Lorena still has a slight heart murmur which the doctors will continue to watch.  She will need a checkup with the pediatric cardiologist in a month (we may have to go to KC for that) to see if it closes on its own.  She also has a umbilical hernia which is common in preemies.  It will probably heal itself but if not, she may have to have surgery down the road.

Lorena had visitors today too.  Dan Hoffman (my co-worker who has been AWESOME and taken over a lot of my claim load) and his wife Jenni stopped by to meet Lorena.  They are going to have a little boy this December and are naming him Heston (such a cute name!).  I can already tell they will be great parents.

Lorena didn't like breastfeeding too much but took most of the bottles I gave her today.  She gets about 45 mils every feeding, which is about 12 ounces a day.  She gets vitamins and some protein powder in several bottles.  2 bottles are formula and 6 bottles are breastmilk.  She is doing well being off the caffeine too.  She also got a new crib today.

New Crib today

We brought our car seat in today.  She will have to have a "car seat test" before she can go home.  Lorena will be required to sit in the car seat for 2 hours.  Her heart rate and oxygen will be monitored and they will watch how she holds her head for an extended period of time. If she doesn't pass, she will have to go home in a car bed.  Let's hope she passes this week!

Today was a good day...until we got in our car to leave.  Someone had hit our car in the parking garage!  My front passenger side blinker light was knocked out, as well as scratches and dents on the bumper.  A security guard saw the accident but the car drove away.  They are going to go over the security video tomorrow.  We had to go to the Topeka Police Department to file a report.  Dan and I have definitely realized the importance of insurance this fall.

Thanks Sarah Neely for the Halloween pumpkin outfit!

Close up of sleepy baby

7 Weeks

Lorena has had a pretty good week.  She has had lots of tests this week.  She passed her hearing test on Tuesday (she didn't pass it the first time several weeks ago).  She also had another head sonogram to look for bleeds and it looked good.  She has had several sonograms during her NICU stay, and all have been good, but they just like to repeat tests to be sure.  She also had another eye exam.  Lorena still has slight ROP (her eyes just aren't developed yet) and will get it re-checked in a week.  She has been off caffeine and has been doing well.  Just a few desaturations here and there but nothing to get worked up about.  She has also been off milk fortifiers for several days.  She weighed 4 pounds 13 1/2 ounces on Sunday night, but lost about an ounce on Monday's weigh in.  She regained that ounce by Tuesday night but didn't gain any by Wednesday.  So today she weighed 4 pounds 13 1/2 ounces.  Lorena has been on the diet she will go home on for several days (6 breastmilk bottles and 2 formula bottles).  But since she hasn't been gaining weight, they have decided to put protein powder in her feedings to help bulk her up.  Hopefully this will help her gain more weight. 

Lorena has had a slight heart murmur since she was born.  Deb ordered a echo for her today to check it again.  It isn't uncommon for preemies to have murmurs but they usually go away with time.  We will know the results on Friday so we are praying that her murmur has disappeared.

Lorena is also seen by a physical therapist to check her legs.  In the womb, babies kick and have resistance against the wall of the uterus.  Premature babies can't develop their leg muscles if they don't have anything to push up against.  The bottom picture shows the contraption that helps Lorena develop her muscles.  Lorena's legs kick up against the roll, mimicking the wall of the uterus. 

Dan's mom, Cindy, went with me on Tuesday and a friend (my Sigma Alpha sister in Kansas), Wendy, went with me to Topeka today.  It is always nice to have someone along for the ride.

I'm getting to the point that I just want her home!  I have been trying to work some, which is making the days go by quickly, but I also am feeling more guilty for not being with her.  We haven't stayed many nights in Topeka but she is getting to the point that I may spend a few nights there next week.  She still gets very tired when breastfeeding but is taking about 2/3 of a day's feeding by bottle.  She will go home on a combination of breastmilk and formula bottles and an occasional breastfeeding.  Hopefully she will catch on to breastfeeding as she gets older.

This week has been very tiring for some reason.  I'm just feeling drained tonight.  It will be so nice to have her home.  Things are just unsettled with her being in Topeka and us being here.  We finally got her room ready though.  And we did get great news this week.  Deb, our nurse practitioner, said Lorena may come home next week! 

Baby Shower, Illinois Visitors, Busy Weekend

I wasn't able to see Lorena on Friday but she was doing well when I talked to the nurses that day.  She took one whole feeding by bottle on Friday!  The rest of her feedings were split between bottle and tube.  I did get a scary call on Friday night.  I am used to getting calls from the NICU, but this was at 8:30 Friday evening.  It was the doctor.  First he said Lorena was doing great.  Then he said that she accidentally was fed another mom's breast milk.  Apparently when the milk was being warmed, the nurse picked up the wrong bottle and didn't realize a mistake was made until after her feeding was done.  The doctor assured me that the milk had been tested and that there was nothing in it that could harm Lorena.  I was a little bit angry about it for a few minutes but realized that there was nothing I could do about it.  The doctor told me a mix up like this happens about ounce every year and a half, so its pretty rare. 

Dan's sisters (Laura and Kate) had a baby shower for me on Saturday at Our Daily Bread in Barnes.  It was a great day.  Mom and Dad were able to make the trip from Illinois.  Lorena got tons of presents.  Thanks to everyone who made it a special day for me...especially Kate and Laura and the ladies of Our Daily Bread for all of your hard work!  It is still milo harvest for us, so Dad got to ride with Dan in the truck and Ernie in the tractor and grain cart while we were having my shower.  Ernie and Cindy, Mom and Dad, and Dan and I went to the Wagon Wheel on Saturday night.  It was good for all of us to be together.  We will definitely have an open house in the spring when Lorena is able to travel so Illinois friends and family can meet her.

Stretching.  She is almost too big for this preemie outfit

Mom holding Lorena for the first time...Dad didn't hold her (he wants to wait until she is bigger)

Big yawn

Thanks for coming to visit Grandma and Grandpa ~ Love, Lorena

Dan insisted that I cook breakfast for Mom and Dad on Sunday morning (even though he doesn't help me cook, he really likes to eat).  I have made a list of chores for him to do everyday.  I like doing things a certain way but I know that I have to let go of my control and let him do some things for me.  He is in charge of taking out the trash, doing the dishes, picking up the mail, and sanitizing my pump parts.  I told him that I would see how he does with these tasks and I will continue to responsibilities to his list. :-)  I know I shouldn't be so hard on him, he has been such a good help though these past few months.  He is a pretty good husband!  Anyway, it was great to have Mom and Dad over for breakfast.  Then I rode to Topeka with Mom and Dad, and Dan met us there later.  Lorena took some feedings by bottle on Sunday.  She takes about half of a feeding with a bottle and the other half is given through her tube.  She gets tired easily when sucking on a bottle because of her prematurity.  It will just take time until she gets strong enough to take all feedings by bottle or breast.  I did get to feed her with a bottle on Sunday and attempt to breastfeed.  She weighed 4 pounds 13 ounces as of her Saturday night weigh in!  She is growing and continues to do well.  Dan and I are so lucky.  Thanks for all of the prayers along the way...we are in the home stretch!

Tired but Thankful

Just got a call from Deb this morning.  Lorena took one whole feeding today (42 mils) strictly from her bottle!  This is a huge step and Deb was super excited for Lorena.  She also decided to take her off caffeine.  Preemie babies are on caffeine to help with breathing.  Some babies go home on caffeine, but Deb is hoping to wean Lorena off of it before she goes home.  It takes several days for the caffeine to leave her system so we will know more on Sunday or Monday.  Lorena's eye infection is also getting better.  She is almost done with her antibiotic ointment for her strep and staph infection in her eye.  Lorena is growing so much.  She gained weight last night too (but I forgot to ask Deb how much).  On Wednesday night's weigh in, she weighed 4 pound and 9.4 ounces.  She has been gaining an ounce to an ounce and a half every day.  She is almost too big for one of her preemie outfits.  She has come so far.  It truly is a miracle.

I always get great ideas for blogs when I am up for my 3:30 a.m. pumping session.  I usually watch FoxNews and check Facebook for updates even though not many people update in the middle of the night.    I have been super stressed and just feeling very overwhelmed again the past few days.  Most days I'm good, but occasionally I have a "bad" day.  Anyway, Thursday was one of those days.  As I was saying earlier, I had a great idea for my blog early this morning.  I have been "tired" of so many things recently that are happening in my life.  I do realize I need to be "thankful" for all of the good things too.  Tara (the social worker in the NICU) told me I need to make lists when I am overwhelmed.  Therefore, I am making a list of things I am "tired of" followed by a list of things I am "thankful for."

1.  I am tired of driving to Topeka all of the time but thankful that there is a top notch NICU only two hours away.  We have had great care there...awesome doctors, nurse practitioners, and nurses.

2.  I am tired of driving all over the state for work but thankful to have a job with awesome co-workers (especially Dan and Lance) who have stepped up and covered for me when I needed them most.

3.  I am tired of being so far away from my family and friends in Illinois but am thankful for my Kansas family and all of the friends I have made here so far ( I can't believe I have been here almost 4 years!).

4.  I am tired of counting Weight Watchers points already but thankful that I have a good WW group in Marysville which will keep my honest about my weight loss goals.

5.  I am tired of Dan working so much on the farm but so thankful he is able to farm with his family.  As a child, I remember being proud that my parents were farmers and feeling so lucky to have been raised on a farm.  I hope Lorena can feel that way too someday.

6.  I am tired of having a baby in the NICU but thankful to have a baby in the NICU.  I know so many couples who have struggled to conceive or who are struggling to conceive.  Lorena is here, healthy, and growing and I need to remind myself of this.

7.  I am tired of pumping eight times a day and lugging my breast pump with me everywhere but thankful for having a milk supply to help Lorena grow.  Some NICU moms aren't able to supply any breast milk due to stress, health conditions, or other reasons.

8.  I am tired of trying to figure out how I am going to juggle work, home responsibilities, a preemie, and a husband but thankful I have Dan here to make me laugh and help me relax.  He says everything will work out and not to worry so much.  I don't like admitting he is right...but I do know that everything will work out somehow.  I wish I could be more carefree like Dan!

That's all I can think of for now.  As you can tell, my blog is therapeutic for me.  I am still tired but writing has helped me be more thankful today.  Thanks for reading and thinking of us.

Jamie feeding Lorena

Sleeping like a rock - notice her chubby hands

Every ounce counts

Lorena is getting big!  Today she weighed 4 pounds and 7.8 ounces...very close to 4 1/2 pounds.  She is getting a double chin and has so much more fat and muscle tone in her legs.  Lorena is doing great overall.  She has been gaining about an ounce a day which the nurses say is excellent weight gain.  Deb (our NP) said Lorena will be home in 2 or 3 weeks.  I was thinking it would be more like a month, so I am pretty excited (and nervous) that she could be coming home in just a few weeks!  Lorena will be 6 weeks old tomorrow....so hard to believe.

Lorena is now being fed 42 milliliters every 3 hours.  I think this is about 1 1/3 ounces each feeding.  She takes about half of every other feeding with a bottle, and the remainder is given through the tube in her nose.  I did breastfeed her today for the first time!  It is quite a process.  First the nurse weighs Lorena.  Then I attempt to breast feed her.  Then she is weighed again to see exactly how much milk she consumed.  Today she got about 10 mils from her feeding, which is only about a 1/4 of what she needed.  It tires her to nurse for a prolonged period of time, so the nurse gave her the remainder of the feeding through her tube.  Then I have to pump for 15 more minutes and then store that milk for a later feeding.  Deb and our nursing consultant (Audrey) were really happy she got that much on her first time feeding!  I have heard breastfeeding will bring your closer to baby and make you feel more attached.  I assumed this wouldn't happen to me since I have had to be sort of detached from her since she was born.  I would say that today was the hardest time I had leaving her.  I do feel closer to her after breastfeeding. It is a good feeling....but also makes things more difficult because I really don't want to be away from her now.

Lorena had another eye exam on Tuesday.  Her eyes are still premature and she was diagnosed with slight ROP (I talked about this in a post several weeks ago).  This is normal for preemies and she will be seen by the eye doctor again in a week.  She will have to be seen once every few months after she goes home.

Every ounce of weight gain counts for Lorena!  Every ounce of weight loss also counts for me.  I started Weight Watchers again this week.  I followed the WW plan and lost about 20 pounds before I got pregnant with Lorena.  I want to lose my baby weight to feel better about myself, fit back into my pre-baby clothes, and be a healthy role model for Lorena.  Dan's mom is our WW leader in Marysville and she is doing a great job.  If you are nearby and are interested in WW, check it out on Monday nights.

stretching today

Daddy admiring his daughter

stretching a few days ago

Time with Daddy

All farmers breathed a sigh of relief over the weekend.  We finally got some rain!  Dan has been busy drilling wheat over the past few weeks.  Hopefully this rain will help establish a consistent stand and get our 2013 wheat crop off to a good start.  Rain also meant there was a break in harvesting milo and Dan could come with me to see Lorena!  Below are some of my favorite pictures of Lorena with her Daddy.  I can already tell that she will be able to do no wrong in his eyes. :-)

Lorena continues to make good progress.  She weighed 4 pounds and 1 1/2 ounces on Saturday.  Her eyes are looking  better...the ointment must be helping her infection.  She continues to take most feedings through her tube.  The nurses keep trying to bottle feed her and she may take half of a normal feeding from the  bottle, and the remainder from the tube.  We may try breastfeeding in the coming week.

Thanks again for all of the prayers, cards, gifts, and thoughts.  Dan and I are grateful for all of our friends and family (far and wide) that have encouraged us along this journey.  

Big Changes for a Big Girl

Cindy (my mother in law) went with me on Thursday to see Lorena.  Deb told me she would be in a crib this week most likely, and when we walked in on Thursday, she was in a big girl crib!  The incubator still was in the room just in case she wasn't able to keep her body temperature steady. She is bundled up in 2 outfits and is in a fleece snuggler.  Mary Jo (Thursday's nurse) also started feeding her with a bottle.  She didn't have much interest at first.  Lorena is being fed approximately 34 milliliters each feeding and may take half from a bottle and the other half through her tube.  Sucking on the bottle tires preemie babies very easily.  Therefore, the nurses let them ease into it.  Lorena has been very sleepy since being in the crib and working hard to keep warm, so they usually don't wake her up to bottle feed at night...but just go ahead and feed her through her tube.

with Mommy

with "Crazy" Grandma Cindy :-)

Big Girl Bed

Baby cap from cousin Sue Scott

Mary Jo burping Lorena

Big Girl Bottle

Stretching in her big girl bed

Friday I attended a baby care class to learn how to bottle feed a preemie, bathe Lorena, and other safety tips.  The nurse said she scare us with all the information and she definitely was right!  SIDS, RSV, flu, period of purple crying....all very scary for a new mom like me, especially having precious preemie baby cargo.  Basically Lorena can't be around anyone who is sick (or anyone who has been in contact with a sick person).  Her immunities are premature and she will have to be treated like she was born on her due date.  Therefore, on December 1 she will need to be treated as a one day old baby, not a 3 month old baby.  I understand she can't be kept in a bubble but we will have to be extra careful for the first few months she is home...especially since it is the cold and flu season.

Lorena  has had drainage from her eyes for weeks.  They have been wiping them each feeding but they haven't gotten any better.  Deb (our NP) did a swab to see if she had infection.  Tests came back that Lorena has a staph and strep bacterial infection in her eyes.  Her eyes will be treated with antibiotic ointment for 6 days which hopefully will clear up the infections.  This happens in preemies babies.  She also had a hearing test on Friday.  Her right ear "didn't pass," but the nurse said not to be concerned.  She spit up and burped during the test which can affect the results.  They will test her again next week.  The nurse said that a lot of babies don't pass the first test (for multiple reasons) and then will pass the next time around.  Prayers for a successful test next week. Lorena was in her crib and getting an occasional bottle feeding on Friday.  The incubator is out of her room for good!  Dan also got her crib together this week.  We are slowly but surely getting ready for Lorena's arrival.

Lorena did have over 50 desaturations (decreases in oxygen level) on Thursday night/Friday morning.  The nurse thought it may just be a fluke deal, but they are keeping an eye on it.  She has fewer desaturations on Friday morning and her heart rate has been good in the crib.  We are hoping that her desaturations decrease and she won't need to go back on the nasal cannula for oxygen.  The crib is just a huge change for their little bodies but she seems to be handling it well.  Thursday she weighed 3 pounds 15 3/4 ounces and Friday she weighed just over 4 pounds.  We are so proud of her.

Illinois Visitors

Lorena has had a busy few days.  Dan and I went to see her on Sunday.  Some friends (Lynn Hennigan and her husband Travis, and daughter Anna), took us out to lunch in Topeka.  Lynn and I got to know each other when we worked for the Kansas Farm Management Association.  We went to HuHot Mongolian Grill.  It was amazing and I highly recommend it.  Dan hadn't seen Lorena for several weeks and couldn't believe how much she had changed (he had been sick and busy with wheat planting).  I will be so glad when wheat drilling season is over.  The farm will have more wheat this year so Dan has been very busy.  Wheat prices are high and farmers are scared of more drought, so wheat seems like a good option at this point.

I went to see Lorena on Monday and spent the night with my Mom and Aunt Becky who had traveled from Illinois.  They saw Lorena on Monday night and Tuesday morning and headed back to Illinois Tuesday afternoon.  Lorena has been making good progress the past few days.  They have increased her feedings from 32 milliliters to 34 milliliters.  She had been receiving each feeding over a 50 minute time span, but the nurses dropped it to 45 minutes, and then to 40 minutes today.  The goal is to "push her" and see if her stomach is ready to digest the feedings at a faster rate.  She did excellent at the 45 minute feeding and she was just starting to get her next feeding (over a 40 minute span) when I left this afternoon.  The nurses also keep adjusting her incubator temperature by lowering the heat.  Lorena has been getting hot more often, so she is requiring less heat.  This means she will soon be in a crib!  They are thinking she probably only has a few more days in the incubator.

She weighed 3 pounds 11 ounces as of Monday night.  She is getting to be such a big girl.  She is about the size of a doll right now.  I also have been changing her diaper while I'm there.  Today, I didn't get the next diaper on in time and she shot poop all over her clothes, bedding, incubator, and mommy.  I didn't really care, I'm just glad her bowels are working properly!

It was good to see Mom and Aunt Becky.  I'm glad they made the trip.  They also brought some gifts for Lorena from Illinois family and friends.  I am looking forward to bringing Lorena home to Illinois to meet all of the people that care about her there.

I'm tired and feeling kind of overwhelmed tonight.  I probably just need to go to bed but I feel like there are so many things to do before Lorena comes home.  I am just hoping/praying for a rain so Dan can build me some shelves for Lorena's closet, put the crib together, and get some things done on his honey do list.  He has me and Lorena to please now, so he better get used to it!

With Daddy

Sweet girl

With Mom and Aunt Becky

Praying hands

Busy Week

I went to see Lorena on Wednesday and Friday.  Thursday I worked.  It was nice to get back to something normal.  I enjoy working but I am realizing I won't be able to put in the hours that I am used to.  I can see that this whole working mom thing will be tougher than I thought...and she isn't even home yet!   The drought will have to end sometime, making farmers happier and giving crop adjusters a break.

Lorena was off all oxygen and breath support for most of the week.  When I got there on Friday, the nurse had just put her on a low flow nasal cannula because she was having more desaturations (drops in oxygen level).  This is normal for babies to go back and forth off of the oxygen.  She is on the lowest dosage of oxygen possible and hopefully she will be off it soon.  Lorena had a head ultrasound on Tuesday to look for bleeds.  Everything looked normal. 

Lorena also had an eye exam on Tuesday.  An ophthalmologist checked her for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP).  ROP affects the blood vessels on the retina in a preemie's eyes and can cause blindness.  Lorena had a good exam.  Her eyes are still premature, which is expected because she is only 32 weeks gestation.  By 34 weeks, the blood vessesl are developed enough to supply the retina with a good blood supply.   Therefore, she will have her eyes checked again in 2 weeks which is standard in the NICU.  The blood vessels are growing normally and look good so far! 

Pretty Girl. 

Lorena's feedings have increased greatly over the past week.  Earlier this week she would get 24-28 milliliters every 3 hours.  On Friday, she was getting 32 milliliters (with some milk fortifier, vitamins, and minerals) every 3 hours.  This is equivalent to about 8 ounces a day and is considered full feedings at this stage.  I probably mentioned this several days ago, but Lorena's feeding tube is now in her nose.  They are expecting her to gain 1/2 ounce to 1 ounce per day.  As of Thursday night, she weighed 3 pounds 7 ounces.  Her PICC line was removed on Friday so she is no longer getting an IV nutrition.  No more IVs!  I also helped give Lorena a bath on Friday.  The picture is below after her bath...notice she is free of all monitors for a few minutes.

We will never forget Kaden

As I mentioned before, Dan's sister Laura went with me on Monday to Topeka. I was glad to have someone to go with me since Dan has been sick for over a week.  Last week was kind of rough for me. I had been feeling overwhelmed, unorganized, unprepared, and just plain tired. Everyone tells me to sleep now because I won't sleep at all when she comes home. I beg to differ...I think it will be less stressful and I will get more rest having her home and not running to Topeka all of the time.

Laura and Kevin have been through so much with the loss of their son Kaden (our nephew) 2 1/2 years ago.  They are some of the strongest people we know.  Having Laura with me on Monday helped me dwell less on the negative and realize that this is just temporary...Lorena will be home before we know it. Laura has an inner strength I can't describe and she has the ability to help others who are going through their own difficulties. If you know Laura, you know what I'm talking about!

Kevin and Laura's support group in Marysville had a memorial service for its members on Sunday.  Cindy (Dan's mom), Joelle (a family friend), and I went to the service with Laura.  The group is for families who have lost children.  I really enjoyed the guest speaker.  He had lost his son 18 years ago, but for him, it still felt like it had happened yesterday.  He mentioned that sometimes people think God is the lucky charm that will fix all problems and take away all of our pain, but that this isn't how God works.  Being a Christian doesn't prevent bad things from happening to us or make us more likely to have good things happen to us.  Our Christianity is reflected in how we react to life's roadblocks and potholes.  The speaker went on to say that his son had many difficult days with his illness but had just as many good days with his family and friends.  How is it so easy to curse God on our bad days but fail to thank Him for all the good times?  Laura is a testament to what Christian living is all about.  Life is all about choices.  She could choose to be depressed everyday and dwell on Kaden's death.  However, she chooses to go to work everyday with a smile, laugh with friends, be Crazy Aunt Lola to her neices and nephew, and constantly tease people with her quirky sense of humor.  God's promise is to love us and to rejoice with us during good times and carry us through bad times.  Kaden wants his Mom and Dad to be happy and God wants Kevin and Laura to understand that they will see Kaden again.  And Laura of all people offered me support (when I didn't even know I needed it) and helped me see the positive in Lorena's situation.  Even though we tease her because she is kind of crazy, we should all be a little more like Laura.

Lorena will have lots of cousins and friends, but I wish Kaden was here so Lorena could know him too.  I shouldn't worry though, she will meet him someday.  Baptism cleanses our sin and gives us everlasting life.  Therefore, as children of God, it is God's promise that Kaden and Lorena will meet someday in heaven!

We will never forget Kaden.  We know he is in heaven and we will see him again someday.  But he will probably be running so fast (as usual) that none of us will be able to catch him. :-)

Kaden Lawrence Clark

Good days

On Saturday Lorena got to meet a good friend, Traci Meier.  Lorena was on the nasal cannula 12 hours and CPAP for the remainder of the day on Saturday.  Her feedings were 12 milliliters every 3 hours.  She weighed 3 pounds 2 ounces on Saturday.  Below is a picture that Traci took of me holding her.  All in all, Saturday was a great day for her.  The nurses mentioned that she may be off the nasal cannula on Sunday.  We didn't go to Topeka on Sunday, so Dan called for an update.  Sunday was also a good day.  Lorena's feedings were increased to 16 milliliters every 3 hours.  She also was off the nasal cannula most of the day...meaning she was breathing completely on her own most of Sunday!

Time with Mom

With her nasal cannula in place

Lorena's Aunt Laura Clark went to Topeka with me Monday.  Lorena had another wonderful day.  Deb increased her feedings to 20 milliliters every 3 hours.  This is approximately 5 ounces of milk a day (hopefully that's calculated correctly).  Deb also stopped one of the IV nutritions (it looked kind of like milk) that was mainly to help fatten her up.  She is still getting the IV that looks like Gatorade (but they keep lowering the dose), and will be for a while.  Since they decreased her IV nutrition, Lorena will gain weight at a slower rate than the past few weeks.  They also are putting a fortifier in my breast milk to increase calories and help her grow.  Lorena weighed 3 pounds 4 ounces as of Sunday night!  Most importantly, Lorena's nasal cannula is completely gone!  She is breathing on her own 100% of the time with no breath support at all.  She was on a high flow nasal cannula the past few days off and on and the usual progression is to go to a low flow nasal cannula...but Lorena skipped over this step.  She is doing amazing according to Deb!  Lorena's head is looking less cone-like (since she doesn't have to wear a cap to hold the CPAP in place) and her nose looks less pug-like (since she doesn't have the nasal cannula pressure).  I love seeing her beautiful face.  She still does have her feeding tube which the nurses moved from her mouth to her nose on Sunday.  Mary Jo was our nurse on Monday.  She said that most babies will go home around 37 weeks gestation on average.  She thought Lorena would be coming home in 4-6 weeks (she will be 32 weeks on Friday).

Thanks to my mother-in-law Cindy for placing snaps on some of Lorena's preemie outfits.  Since Lorena still has the IV in her arm, she must wear outfits with special sleeves.  Below is a picture of Lorena in an onesie purchased and modified by Grandma Cindy.

Onesie from Grandma Cindy

Onesie from Grandma Cindy

she looked so peaceful with nothing on her face!  This is one of the hospital onesies