Happy New Year to all my readers! 2013 was an exciting year for us. I would say the biggest joys for me were having Lorena home and finding out I was pregnant again with our second daughter. The hardest thing for me in 2013 was trying to find work/life balance. I know all moms struggle with this but it is so much harder than I imagined it would be. My job is slower during February and March so those months aren't too bad. But other than that, it is a full-time job plus some weekends. As any job in agriculture, everything hinges on the weather. 2012 and 2013 were drought years in Central Kansas so there were tons of farmers to visit and claim paperwork to complete. I truly love my job, co-workers, and company I work for so I'm so lucky in that respect, but sometimes I just don't see how I can keep up with everything life throws at me.
I know my husband thinks I'm doing fine but I just feel like I fall short in every category right now. I can't devote as much time to work as I did before Lorena so I don't feel like I'm the caliber of employee I used to be. Lorena has had a rough fall with being sick, and when she is sick she just wants her mom, so I have missed a lot of work days taking care of her. The house is constantly in disarray, toys littered everywhere, graham crackers crumbs stuck in the carpet, almond milk spilled in the kitchen, etc. And the laundry...the dreaded laundry. I feel like I'm pretty good at washing and drying it, but it usually ends up in a pile on the spare bed. And who has time to cook? I also do all the bookwork for our farm but I hate not having time to go outside and help the guys. I also feel like my relationship with Dan is taking a back seat. Lorena's current schedule works pretty well for us. We get home from daycare around 6, eat supper around 7, then bath, playtime, and then usually she goes to bed around 9:30 or 10. I can't imagine what it would be like if she went to bed earlier in the evening...I wouldn't have anytime with her! This schedule works best for Lorena but it means the only time Dan and I get alone is from 10 pm until bedtime. I usually fall asleep on the couch after we put Lorena to bed and then Dan wakes me up about 11 pm and we both go to bed.
I just reread this and it definitely sounds like I'm complaining. After everything we went through to have our babies, you think I would enjoy all of things that are thrown at me as a mom. So now I feel guilty about complaining at all, and my head tells me "I just need to be happy that I'm a mom." Pregnancy hormones play weird tricks on me so I think this could be part of my problem. I just worry that if I'm having a hard time managing now with just one child, how will I manage with another baby? I know I'm not alone. Millions of moms have multiple kids and more demanding jobs than I do, but I'm just wondering if they struggle like I do? Fellow working moms....do you have any tips for me? How do you make it all work?
Oh Lydia! I could write this post on any given day! You are certainly not alone. Unfortunately most of the expectations we feel are self-inflicted, and therefore our feelings of inadequacy easily creep in. Do the best you can today! Don't get caught on yesterday and try not to worry about tomorrow. Lean on your husband and your faith! I will however share that after we had our second, my hubby and I had to schedule date night to commit to getting some time together. It is my belief that the best gift I can give my children is a healthy marriage. Good luck! Take it easy on yourself.
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