Since many of you have asked...

I passed my Series 7 Exam on Friday! 

I started studying at the end of January for the exam.  Usually it takes about a month to study for it.  I had to move back my exam date after Ernie's accident and ended up taking a 2 week break from studying.  It was hard for me to get back into the routine of studying.  I would much rather do repetitive tasks like cooking, cleaning, or organizing the closet.  I think that's why Dan's favorite thing to do now is to go drive the tractor or feed his Dad's cows.  It seems like the menial (but still important) chores are just easier to get done.  Dan has been commenting a lot recently that the house has never been this clean.

After passing the exam Friday, it was nice to take a few days off for the Easter weekend.  We made it through Easter.  It was different without Ernie as expected.  The girls ate way too much candy.  They have been bouncing off the walls for a few days.  I hid it last night after they went to bed, so hopefully they will forget about candy for a while.

I'm very thankful for all of our friends and family.  I'm also very thankful for my new career.  After passing the 7, I now begin studying for the Series 66 Exam and will test in late April.  I'm two-thirds through the process of licensing to become a Registered Representative with Thrivent Financial.  Thanks for the continued support and prayers. ~ Lydia

How are you "really" doing?

I've been asked the question "How are you doing?" a lot this week.  Most of the time people use this phrase as a greeting, perhaps in replace of the word "Hi", and most of the time want a response of "Great!, or "Doing just fine!."  Since Ernie's death though, a lot of people are wondering about our family and asking me "How are you really doing?," I can hear it in their voices that they really want to know how we are all doing.  It's comforting to know that people still care about our family.  In summary, we are doing ok but here on some details:

1.  Dan is trying to fill his dad's shoes in every way possible, but is realizing that he must delegate responsibility and work with his uncles and cousins to get the farm work done.
2.  I need to practice patience with my husband and kids.
2.  Lorena periodically talks about Grandpa Ernie being in heaven with Jesus and that his body is up on the big hill at the farm.
3.  Ida is oblivious to it all but ornery as ever!
4.  We are trying to establish a new normal.
5.  I have a new job!  I'm working with Thrivent Financial in the trainee program.  After I get the required licenses, I will be a Financial Representative with Thrivent.
6.  I'm taking the Series 7 Exam General Securities Exam on Friday.  Prayers are appreciated for an awesome test score.
7.  Dan's trucks have all practically died.  He and his dad both have an obsession with keeping lots of trucks scattered around and never selling anything that still runs.  3 of Dan's trucks have issues now, as well as do 2 of Ernie's trucks, so he's down to Ernie's little black S10 with 250,000+ miles.  The transmission has been going out of it for years but it's currently the only thing that Dan wants to drive.
8.   I just watched my first episode of "I am Cait."  It's nice to get lost in reality television.  If you know this show and what it's about, please don't judge me.
9.  I don't feel ready for Easter.
10.  Some days I still can't believe Ernie is gone.

I have been holding some feelings in for a while, and that's not good for me.  I have to talk about what's going on and part of my therapy (besides buying way too many Easter dresses for the girls) is blogging.  That's all for now!  ~ Lydia

3.5 Amazing Years in the Life of Lorena Ruth

Tonight we are going to our first live show at a theater.  Peppa Pig is Lorena's favorite tv show and it seems fitting to see "Peppa Pig's Big Splash" when it came to Central Kansas.  Peppa Pig is an animated British tv show for preschoolers, with the main characters being Peppa and her Mummy, Daddy, and brother George.  It's a big surprise for Lorena.  We think she's going to freak out when she sees the show!  My mom and dad bought the tickets for us 6 months ago so we've really been looking forward to it.

Besides Peppa Pig, Lorena loves TV in general.  She's a lot like Dan in that way.  Once I turn the TV off to get her attention, it still takes her 5 seconds to figure out the TV is off because she gets so focused on what she's watching.  She also loves to play outside and ride her tricycle.  She enjoys coloring and wearing fake tattoos.  She's a big fan of chocolate, peanut butter sandwiches, and green beans right now.  She loves Sunday School and can't wait to go to pre-school and have her own backpack.  In true Lorena style, she's off the charts for weight (50 pounds) and height (almost 3 1/2 feet tall) for her age.  She didn't stay small for long.  

Lorena's come so far in her short years on earth.  We had no idea what the future held for our baby girl when she was born 12 weeks premature at 2 1/2 pounds.  Would she survive?  Would she have lifelong disabilities?  Would she be able to come home?  She turned out like God intended her to be. God doesn't make mistakes.  Lorena is now a rambunctious 3 1/2 year old.  She's super sweet, pretty emotional at times, and has a big heart already.  The world's a brighter place with Lorena Ruth in it.

Lorena at 1 day old

Lorena at 3 months old

Lorena at 3 1/2 years old

Ernie's Last Fence

I had a good laugh with Dan recently about all of the equipment his dad had been buying the past few years. Farming was getting so fun for Ernie.  He had upgraded tractors, bought a little bull dozer, and purchased an excavator this past summer.  Nothing extravagant (remember, the Hiestermans are good conservative Lutherans!) but just some reasonably priced used equipment to get the job done.  That excavator had been a such a joy for Dan and Ernie this past winter. The weather had been unseasonably warm and the guys had been working on dirt work and fence projects the entire winter.

It was sunny and 75 yesterday and I missed Ernie.  I wished he was here helping Dan, Phil, John, Luke, and Jason with more projects.  I know he's in a better place but I just wish he was still here with us.  Dan tells me that Ernie made farming fun and that things are different now.  I know that someday the guys will have fun farming again but for now we all still grieve.

I shed some tears yesterday on my walk down the dirt road that heads west of our house.  Ernie's excavator sits parked like a statue in the pasture next to the new fence the guys built this winter.  I'm sure the guys will start another project at some point but for now they are busying themselves with mundane chores. 

I enjoy seeing Ernie everywhere on the farm.  He is still with us in spirit. From the new baby calves born everyday, to hearing him in Dan's voice and seeing him in his brothers' mannerisms, and finally in treasuring his handiwork in the last fence he built.

Ernie's last fence project west of our house

Ernie's Truck

It's been hard to know what to say to the girls about Ernie's death.  They loved their grandpa Ernie but they are still very young.  I've been conflicted on whether or not to talk about him.  As each day passes, I worry that the girls will forget about him.  But I also don't want to bring up his name because I don't want the girls to cry and say they want to see Grandpa Ernie.  Ida still doesn't talk much but she can recognize his picture.  Lorena can talk about him and does ask a few questions.

So after some thinking, I've decided that I don't want the girls to forget him.  I'm going to talk about him everyday.  Today when I put the girls in their car seats I reminded them that Grandpa went to Heaven and is with Savannah and Kaden.  Lorena shook her head up and down and said "Yep."  Ernie's pickup truck is still parked in our machine shed.  As we drove by his truck this morning Lorena said, "Grandpa doesn't need his truck anymore."  I smiled and said "Yep that's right Lorena."

My dream for the girls is to never have any heartache or pain, but I've come to realize that this isn't reality.  The night of the accident I remember Cindy saying that "Life is hard, and that it gets harder as you get older."  It took me a while to comprehend that but I think she's right. Yes, I'm agreeing with my mother in law on something.

Life is hard here on Earth.  There's pain, sickness, sorrow, jealousy, evil, and sin that surround us everyday of the week.  I'm almost 32 and have been a Christian my whole life but I'm finally starting to think about why we are really here on Earth.  The goal is to get to Heaven.  A place with no suffering!  It sure would be sad if all we had was this earthly life.  There MUST be something more than this!  Thankfully as Christians, it's very reassuring to know that there is something more.  And Lorena's right, Ernie doesn't need his dirty old truck anymore.

Blessings ~ Lydia

Our New Normal

It's been one week since my father in law passed away in a farming accident.  This past week has been pretty blurry for most of us.  It's easy to forget what day it is because the days seem to blend together.

Ernie farmed and ranched with two of his brothers, his son, nephew, and close cousin.  The day to day operation of the farm will continue but Ernie's passing has changed life for all of them.  The huge hole that we are left won't ever be completely filled.  The guys are doing what needs to be done and taking it one day at a time.  

Ernie also helped so many people other people.  He had a huge impact on his two son-in-laws, his nephews, brother-in-laws, and countless others.  He helped those he loved by cutting firewood, fixing machinery, moving cattle, building machine sheds, and pretty much anything that needed done.  As his daughter Kate has said many times, Ernie had the spiritual gift of giving.

Yesterday was a hard day for some of us.  It was the first day of our "new normal."  The guys have shifted chores around and are taking care of Ernie's cattle herd south of Barnes.  Ernie's cows have had a good year so far, two sets of twins!  We upgraded sprayers a few years ago and Ernie was our sprayer operator.  He practically lived in the sprayer and loved that responsibility, and was actually the only one of the guys that knew how to run it.  Our local CASH IH dealer came out yesterday and showed Dan and Jason some of the basics.  Dan said it would have been fun to learn how to run the sprayer if Dad was going to be gone on vacation for a few weeks, but unfortunately that's not the case.  Like I said before, we are taking it one day at a time.  

The family has been overwhelmed by support from our community.  There are too many people to thank for their generosity and kindness during this difficult time. ~ Lydia

  

Ernie's Red Shed

Ernie never talked to me much at first when I came into the picture 10 years ago.  I'm guessing he couldn't figure out why I would want to date his son.  Dan's rebellious streak (which he inherited from his dad ironically) lasted quite a long time and I think Ernie wanted more for Dan.  Dan and Ernie got to a wonderful place in their relationship the past few years.  They were friends, partners in the farming operation, devoted to their cattle, and both lived for tinkering on a shop project. Dan is a lot like his dad.  Like Dan, Ernie could be a man of few words.  When he built the new shed behind our house 4 years ago, he surprised me and made it red.  He knew that was my favorite color. That's how Ernie showed his love to people.  Not with words, but actions.  I know it seems silly, but that meant the world to me.