I found out this morning that I had a miscarriage. I went in for an ultrasound today and the baby had no heartbeat. I heard the heartbeat two weeks ago which was very reassuring to hear it so early in the pregnancy, so I had assumed that everything would be ok at this appointment. But it wasn't. The baby had died.
I was about 8 1/2 weeks pregnant this morning and it's weird to think I'm not pregnant anymore. I'm having a D and C tomorrow to help move the process along. It's been an emotional ride for a few months with this pregnancy. We have to go to 2 1/2 hours away to Omaha for fertility treatments to get pregnant. Things had worked surprisingly well with no complications. But now I feel like all the fertility treatments, special medicine, painful shots, thousands of miles on the Yukon, time away from family and work, have just been a big waste of time and money.
Dan has been comforting. He always worries about my emotions. I'm a rather sensitive person and I feel the good things and bad things in life so deeply. It's just the way God made me. It sounds kind of romantic to be so sensitive to feelings, but during times like this I wish I could turn that volume down on that part of my personality.
Lots of thoughts are going through my head today. Did I drink too much caffeine? Did I not drink enough water? Was it the flight I look to Minneapolis a few weeks ago? Did I work too hard in the garden? Did I complain too much about being tired this time around? Am I being punished for some of my sins? Was I trying to do too much at once with starting a new career? Was it too soon to try after all our family has been through this year? I know in reality it's nothing I did but I just feel rather hopeless right now. I know it will pass and I will find some hope again but today is not the day. Today I'm going to eat some chocolate cupcakes, cry some tears, and hug Lorena and Ida Mae when they get home from daycare.
~Lydia~
Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Enjoy your cupcakes and know this just wasn't the right time. It was nothing you did wrong. ~Laura
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers to you my friend. Know you did not do anything to caus this to happen. Sometimes life veers of on a different path that we never thought we would go down. There is a plan it is just not so easy for us to see at times like this. Hugs!🙏🏻
ReplyDeleteIt's a time to do exactly what you are doing. Hang on tightly to what you have. Love them, teach them train them to go in the way of the Lord and take a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
ReplyDeletePraying for God to give you wisdom, strength, guidance, comfort and peace at this time in your life.
It's a time to do exactly what you are doing. Hang on tightly to what you have. Love them, teach them train them to go in the way of the Lord and take a deep breath. Tomorrow is a new day. This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
ReplyDeletePraying for God to give you wisdom, strength, guidance, comfort and peace at this time in your life.
Our baby died at 15 weeks. I remember so very well all those feelings.
ReplyDeleteSending love and prayers.