How a snow day can steal your Joy

Yesterday we woke up to 8 inches of fresh white snow.  It was a beautiful sight to see.  The kids were very excited to look outside as this was our first big snow of the year.

I started my day by selfishly thinking, "I must get pictures of the kids playing in the snow so I can post them on Facebook."  Say what?  I was all consumed with how I would get pictures of them most of the day. When my husband came in for lunch, I came out of my office and asked him how we would accomplish this feat.  He would rather have eaten his sandwich in peace then listen to me ramble about how we would create the perfect sledding experience for our kids that day.  We had a few small problems though:

1.  No snow gear
2.  No sleds
3.  No kids - daycare was still open
4.  No parents - Dan was busy moving snow, checking cows, and working in his machine shop and I was working on my computer
5.  No daylight - we usually get home with the kids about 6 PM, right when it gets dark here

So I was stuck, how could I get the perfect sledding picture of the girls?  Don't get me wrong, I love seeing all the fun snow pictures with all of the kids!  I just realized my motivation for taking the girls sledding was to get good pictures to post on social media.  My motivation should be to have fun with the girls and not try to create the "perfect picture" of what life is like for us.

I think a lot of us fall into the trap of creating perfect experiences for our kids.  My obsession with taking the perfect picture yesterday stole some of my joy.  Would I be a bad mom if I didn't get pictures of them making snow angels?  Would the girls feel left out if I didn't take them sledding?  Ida (20 months) and Lorena (3 1/2 years) could care less if we went sledding down the biggest hill in the county.  They had just as much kicking the snow, chasing their dog Jasper, and throwing snowballs at their Daddy in the moonlight when they got home from daycare.

I want to do what is best for Lorena and Ida.  Yes, I will probably go buy some sleds today and round up some snow pants.  We do have big plans to go sledding at the farm South of Barnes, KS this weekend.  I will probably take tons of pictures too.  But this time, I will make sure we go sledding so we can have fun as a family, not so Mommy can get good Facebook pictures.

On another note, I did get a good picture of our cows after I dropped the kids off at daycare.  It truly was a beautiful day.  Blessings ~ Lydia

 

"I want to be Like Mommy when I grow up"

This morning was similar to most mornings around our house.  It was a kind of hurry, let's get the kids dressed, and out the door to daycare kind of day.  Lorena has developed into quite a little diva.  In the NICU, they had nicknamed her "little diva" and she is living up to her name.


Her hair is always a terrible mess in the morning.  She has fine hair like I do and it tends to get super tangled when she sleeps.  She cried the whole time Dan brushed her hair.  Then I put it in a pony tail which was ok for a while, but then I had the wrong barrette, which happened to be placed on the wrong side of her head.  Tears ensued.  Dan planned on stopping to get a donut at the convenience store in town on the way to daycare and proceeded to tell Lorena she could have a donut.  She started crying because she wanted M&Ms, not donuts.  I explained that you can like donuts and M&Ms in life, you don't necessarily have to choose one or the other.  Then as I'm putting her in Dan's truck, she shrugs her shoulders and starts crying again.  "There isn't any snow!." "All the snow is gone."  "But snow is my favorite."  I told her that maybe we could get snow this weekend and that seemed to calm her down.


Lorena also said something that made my heart smile today.  When I was helping her put on her favorite coat she was crying again because "she wanted a coat like Mommy's coat so she could be like Mommy when she grows up."


Lorena is a very strong and sensitive little girl.  This is the first winter we haven't had to deal with asthma related issues and chronic coughs due to her prematurity.  She just might be growing up. 

January again?

Yay for a New Year!  I'm looking forward to 2016...I think it will be an exciting year.  I don't like the blahs of January and February though.  These dreary months of Winter always brings back a sad mixture of emotions for our family.  I will always treasure this picture from our wedding in 2009.  In hind sight, life was pretty easy back then and Dan and I hadn't really been through much at all.

Our family has grown so much since our wedding but we have experienced loss too.  Kate and Jeremy have had two more girls (Abi and Lily), Kevin and Laura have a miracle little boy Kaleb but heaven gained Kaden in January of 2010 and precious baby Savannah in February of 2015.  Dan and I have had two little girls since then too.  Our family has so much to be grateful for.  It's not that I'm trying to bring myself down, it's just hard not to think about Kaden and Savannah this time of year.  

Dan called me a few minutes ago.  He was driving the excavator across the field which is a rather monotonous task and was bored, so I guess his best option was to call his wife and chat.  We were talking about this year and what it would bring.  He made the comment, "I guess God knows what he is doing and prepares us along the way for what's to come"  It's reassuring to have a God fearing husband with good insight!  It's hard after some of the things our family has been through, to see why God does what he does.  It is painful, lots of tears have been shed, lots of why us?  And after dealing with my gluten/dairy issue and feeling sick for so long, I honestly feel a bit sorry for myself a few days and wonder "why me?"  (I know I will get better over time, it's just human nature to want immediate results)  

I guess it's ok to wonder why.  But it's also important to remember that everything in life that happens to us (good and bad) is preparing us for the future.  God doesn't make mistakes.  

Just some deep thoughts on this dreary January morning. ~ Lydia